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Building character?

by | May 30, 2012 | Children, Choices, How to deal with pain, Video

One night recently when Kennady was in the hospital, Kennady’s home health nurse came up and sat with her so I could go out get some dinner and feel the sun on my skin.  On my way out, I decided to step in to the gift shop because they had these big shiny red balloons that said “SALE”, which is an instant magnet for most women.

I proceeded to call my husband and tell him that this store had a very cute necklace and that it was thirty percent off, which made it only a mere thirteen dollars, and that seeing as we are in such a stressful time I should really do some sympathy shopping and buy this for myself.

Alas, this ploy did not work and I made myself leave the store empty-handed,  content that I could use my money to buy myself food to put in my belly instead.

On my way out the door, there stood sweet Jesse.  Jesse gave birth to  her precious baby boy Wyatt, and her second child with Cystic Fibrosis, just a little over two weeks ago.  She was on her way in to see Wyatt in the NICU and I was on my way out to get something to eat.

We stopped and chatted for a while and began to discuss our children and their special needs and how living a life with a special needs child shapes you in so many ways you never realized it would or could.

One of the ways that this life is shaping us,  is through us shaping our children and the next generation.

Robin and I feel strongly that the challenges we and our children face in this life will build our character and make us stronger, if we allow it.

Character:
1  one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish the individual
2  the detectable expression of the action of a gene or group of genes
3  the complex of mental and ethical traits marking and often individualizing a person, group, or nation

Wheew!  That is a lot of things to cover, but we will focus on just one point this time around.  Character:  One of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish the individual.

Character traits can be good or bad, strong or weak, life-giving for life-taking.

Our boys both have a sister with multiple special needs, food allergies and last but not least, they are preacher kids (holla back atcha if you know what I mean).

Talk about opportunities to build your character.

Our society is so comfort driven that these things seem like huge boulders and walls to overcome.

This type of stuff grieves people, makes them want to stomp their feet, yell and say “this isn’t fair!!”

Things in the special needs world are complicated.  Life in general is complicated and not “fair”.

Life isn’t “fair”.

Did you read that??

It’s not.  No two ways about it.

Part of our problem though is that the America we live in today is a fountain overflowing with “Fairness”….or is it really?

We have abused the word fair until it is a worn out rag doll that had all it’s hair cut off and no eyes and looks like something totally different from what it was intended to be.  The version of fair that we see is something along the lines of “if they have that, I should too”.  Merriam-Webster defines this type of “fair” as specious: having a deceptive attraction.

Because something looks more attractive and like something we think we should have, we seem to think this is the “fair” option.

It seems like it is ingrained in us from birth.   So when we have a problem in our lives, we naturally compare our life to someone elses and point the proverbial finger and shout “Hey! That’s not fair!  My car doesn’t have shiny sparkly paint!”

So how do we go about re-training our brain, flesh and every other thing in us to honor and respect these scenarios in our lives?

First.

Faith.  Faith in God.  Faith that, whatever comes, good or bad, He is in control.  Period.

2 Corinthians 4:17 ~
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison

This is where the brakes are put on, on “fairness”.

Each of us has been blessed with an opportunity to live this life.  To take each moment, each good time, each bad time, each hardship in and make a choice.

Are we making it match what the word of God says or are we making it match what the world says?

If we choose to make things match up with what the world says, we have chosen to fail.  Life will never be “fair” and we will always get the short end of the stick.

With our boys, we remind them daily that “life isn’t fair”.  They cry because they want to be like the other kids and eat whatever they want without fear of anaphylaxis, they want to go places without people staring at their sister, they want to watch movies that other kids watch, listen to music that other kids listen to.  For Jesse and her children, this means not going to parties, not being around other kids with CF, not eating certain foods and many other issues.

During these times we give them space to share their feelings and validify the hurt they feel.  After hearing them and letting them process through these things, we gently remind them, that this life isn’t fair.  They are different.

Whether the situation is by choice or something they are born into, they are processing what “fair” looks like in this world.  They are learning to throw out the beat up rag doll that doesn’t represent any part of the true nature of “fair”.

You can’t divide life “fairly”.  You can divide a cookie in half and make it “fair” to two people.  However, making this beautifully complex walk of life “fair” is robbing ourselves of an amazing opportunity to develop character.  Character, that reflects mature humans able to live a life that is beautiful, even when life seems to be falling apart at the seams.

So, I hope that when my boys grow up (and me too), that we are able to not become blithering whiny babies at every turn, crying out that “life” (this beautiful, amazing and crazy hard at times, life) isn’t fair.

The bottom line…

This life is about living for God and to Him be the glory in everything.

Cry, give yourself some space, then pull up your boot straps and get on with it.

Dancing with Life

by | May 29, 2012 | Children, Grandparents, hospital, How to deal with pain

It has been one week since Kennady went into the hospital and today she goes back to school!  She was admitted into Dell Children’s hospital because of severe vomiting.  The source of the nausea was low sodium levels.  It took eliminating all food and drink to get her levels correct again.  It was a drastic step.  The doctors telling you that your child can not eat or drink anything for the next 36 hours is intense.  Erica actually asked them, “Would you treat a normal child like this.” The answer was yes.

It only took a few more hours and she was doing better.  We were sent home on Friday night.

During that time, life goes on.  Our other two boys are doing their 6yr and 8yr old thing.    I have to pastor a church.  Erica balances life, school, mothering, being a wife.  The rest of the world doesn’t stop.  It takes the GRACE of GOD to maneuver through.  We decide several things:

1. We need help.  When people ask what they can do, we have learned to tell them.  It is so difficult.  Our natural response is to say “Thank you” and then not use their help.  However, we have learned that people are blessed when they help and we need the help.  It is a double blessing. Every time we go through a challenge at this level, we have a huge outpouring of prayers and people calling to support.  We had people buying breakfast, visiting, helping with our kids, and more. Here is a clip that “Grana” took when she went to field day with Jude.

2. We need to connect.  Before the storm comes we need to connect with people.  We make the conscious decision and effort to connect to a local church body.  I don’t know what we would do without our church family.

3. We need to focus on the need.  We need to be there for our daughter.  God has put us in her life to raise her, provide, and protect.  We need to research the conditions. We need to TAKE INITIATIVE with the doctors and nurses.

4.  We need to keep moving.  We must have balance and continue to walk through the rest of our life with as much normalcy as possible.  One day, I took the boys to my parents house and we worked on a new playhouse.  Or should I say play mansion??

All of the movement is a dance with life.  We take a step and then life takes a step.  We move and then conditions change.  The only way we are able to smoothly move is through the Grace of God.  His power enables us.  He has endued us with the ability to move through challenges and valleys.

Thank you, Jesus.

A Whole Lot of Ordinary

by | Apr 5, 2012 | Book, How to deal with pain

photo 1-4Almost everyday with Kennady is uneventful.  Well, to us it is.  It is normal.  Ever once in a while, we get a ‘revelation’ of what life would be like without Kennady or with 3 ‘normal’ kids.  Those revelations remind us briefly the challenge of daily care and mobility. However, even those revelations only last a few minutes and then we go back to the thought of “we are really blessed and could have it so much worse”.

It is when we see the difficulty we face and at the same time feel like it is normal and ordinary that we are refreshed with the truth that God’s grace is sufficient.  When there is a ‘thorn in our side’ and God chooses to leave it there, scripture is accurate saying that His grace is enough.  His grace is able to make impossible seem not only possible, but ordinary and normal.

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Brokenness part 1 (it’s required)

by | Apr 3, 2012 | Book, How to deal with pain

The next 2 posts are parts we wrote for an upcoming book.  We wanted you to get first dibs on it:

At the end of Erica’s pregnancy, we were at a point of brokenness.  We had hopes that this would all go away even after the initial tests.  We thought we would pray, believe, and get the results we wanted.  However, after weeks of ‘no’ from God, we finally arrived at the breaking point.  At this point, we finally realized our plans and God’s were very different.  We came to the realization that we were in a race, a marathon not a sprint.

Now, many years into the race and as a senior pastor, I have come to grips with the fact that God allows everyone to sink to the breaking point.  To some it comes early in life and to others, it comes much later.  However, it is to our benefit spiritually and naturally to go through this breaking point.  This is the point where you realize you cannot see victory on your own and you need the help of God to survive much less thrive.

Through our blog (book), we simply want tell the story of breaking, healing, restoration, and blessing.  By sharing lessons we learned along the journey, we pray you are encouraged as you  work through brokenness in your own life.

I see clearly now the reason for the path of our brokenness and why it was essential.  Its essentiality was not for me, but for God’s kingdom to be established on the earth.  His kingdom is not established in castles, temples, or government structures.  The Kingdom of God is being established in the hearts of human beings. The writer of Corinthians says,   (more…)