Most of us have a good work ethic. We give work most of our creativity, attention, and energy. We come home burned out, tired, and often uninspired. Here is a new proposition: Your home life is more important than your work life. In fact, at some point, we don’t have life at home if we have given our best efforts to work (at least not the abundant life that Jesus came to give us in John 10:10).
We know what you are thinking right now…”Yeah, but if I don’t give work my best, then I will get fired. Then, my life at home will really stink. At some point, I will get ahead at work, and then things will change. I will be able to spend more time around the house and with family.”
Wrong.
Make your home life strong. That way no matter what happens at work, you will come home to a good thing. Your family will be with you forever. Jobs come and go. Make sure you get that part of your life right…first.
light saber duels occur in the Steele home
Here are 5 Ways to Keep Work and Home Separate:
1. Set boundaries on your schedule. If you don’t currently have solid start and stop times at work, then determine NOW when you are going to start and stop. If you don’t take control of your work, it will take control of you. Most jobs are never finished at “quitting time”. Have the courage to drop it and pick it up tomorrow. As a pastor, I (Robin) am never finished. Erica, as a midwife, is never finished. There are always more tasks to accomplish. There are always people that need us. We have had to get very serious about our family time. We have had to find others to cover for us in order to protect the most important part of our life: family.
2. Set boundaries on your work relationships. If you start caring more about what your co-workers think of you than what your family thinks of you, then you are in a bad spot. The relationships with your spouse and kids are more valuable than anyone else. We are often tempted to please co-workers and bosses at the expense of our family/home life. When these thoughts come to mind, it is time to re-evaluate the value you have put on these people’s opinions. Listen to the opinions of your spouse and kids (They are going to be around a lot longer than your boss and co-workers).
3. Turn everything off at mealtime. Eat as many meals as possible as a family. During meal time turn off all electronics including: television, phones, tablets, games, music (unless you have live musicians accompanying dinner time). TALK to each other. Go deep in conversations. Find topics that everyone likes to talk about. Have fun. Give everyone undivided attention. Value the thoughts and feelings of other family members.
Get your romance on in front of the kids.
4. Take regular breaks. You need days off where you think nothing about work. You need to take all of your vacation days each year. You need to plan ahead and make sure that vacation time is a priority in your family. Find things to do on a weekly basis that allows the family a reprieve from the hustle of the normal week. This is where you can channel some of your creativity (that you normally use at work) for family time.
5. Connect with Friends. We all need someone in our life who knows everything. Someone outside of the family should be ready, willing, and able to keep you accountable. The only way this can happen is if you intentionally invest in them first. Don’t be afraid to ask each other how life is going. Ask about work and home. Ask about boundaries. Encourage, uplift, and sometimes correct each other. Have fun, be vulnerable.
I’m sure that there are other things that could be added to the list. If you think of some, please add to the comments section below. We need to do something. We need to be intentional about the health of our family. We need to make our family a priority, or it will get pushed away. Your work life might be growing strong, but if it comes at the expense of your family life, that is too high of a price to pay. #notworthit
What friend is there for you? Who are you there for?
This is an unpolished/honest post about our feelings.
Ok, here you go… We struggle telling people about Kennady’s condition. We don’t want to burden them with difficult news. We don’t want to sound weak.
There is a problem with both of those statements.
People ask us, “How is Kennady doing?” We are so thankful that people care! We are so thankful that they ask!
When we haven’t seen people in years, they ask wondering if she has progressed in ability. Can she walk now? Can she talk now? Is she more developed? Just the other day, a lady asked how Kennady was doing. We said, “She is doing good. She is healthy and strong.” The lady then asked, “Can she say anything?” We replied, “Nah, she really can’t say anything.” Then the lady added, “She can’t even say hello or hi?” We said, “No, she can’t even say hello.” TRUE STORY. That happened about 2 months ago.
When Kennady has medical procedures, people want to know how they are going. The difficulty is when things don’t go well. The procedure didn’t work. The surgery has to be redone. People of faith want answers that are positive. We believe that God is able and we eagerly wait for the answer to be positive after prayer.
What we continue to find in our journey with Kennady is that the answer is RARELY what we think it will be. It is a good answer. Because God is good. It is just different than we expected and it has some difficulty attached to it.
Here we are with another major surgery coming on Thursday.
Before, I (Robin), post something on the blog or Facebook about another challenge or surgery, I wonder: Do people really want to hear this again? Are they tired of hearing our problems? At some point, will people check out because they are tired? How many people are in for the long haul?
I guess we have to discover these answers through the process. Who is in? Who is all in? Who are the friends?
Isn’t that true for anyone or any circumstance? Some people are out and some people are in. Our true friends rise to the occasion. They are not conditional. Their relationship is not based on what they get out of it, but what they can give.
Then, all of the sudden our thinking gets turned on its proverbial ear. Who have I abandoned because their situation didn’t line up with my liking? Their path was not beneficial to me. Their pace was wearing me out. #conviction
I pray that I can be a friend in the thick and thin. I pray God surrounds us with just enough friends to carry us in the difficult times. We trust that he will.
Trying to find a movie on Netflix that is made well and is not a disaster to watch is not fun. In fact, it is brutal.
You waste 30 minutes scrolling around, clicking on titles that you have already seen or already read the summary, hoping that the rating has changed or that this time it will be better to watch. Unfortunately, Netflix’s ability to pick movies based on your set preferences is often bad. It is difficult to access the 1000s of other movies on Netflix that are actually available because they keep showing you the same set over and over to pick from.
We have done a little bit of work for you.
Put the kids to bed, pop some popcorn, sit down with your date (spouse) and find these movies on Netflix or other online places. These are ones we discovered that are entertaining and clean. Disclaimer:This is posted as of 9/19/14. At some point, some of these might not be available.
Kon Tiki– With five loyal friends in tow, explorer Thor Heyerdal sails a fragile balsa wood raft along an ancient path some 4,300 miles across the Pacific. ACTION/ADVENTURE
Flawless – On the eve of his retirement, a disgruntled janitor persuades an unhappy executive to join him in a jewel heist in this crime drama set in London. Michael Caine stars in this move! SUSPENSE/THRILLER
The Saratov Approach – This riveting drama tells the true story of two young American missionaries held captive and brutalized for a week in a remote part of Russia. Good ACTION flick that guys and girls will like. SUSPENSE/THRILLER
Fading West– Follow Grammy-winning alt-rock band Switchfoot as they hit the road to electrify live audiences and surf the waves during their 2012 World Tour. GREAT Music and footage on this one. These guys are good examples of husbands and dads. DOCUMENTARY
An Unreal Dream: The Michael Morton Story – In 1986, Michael Morton was convicted of killing his wife in front of their young son. This documentary chronicles his quest to clear his name. DOCUMENTARY
Booker’s Place – This documentary explores an African American waiter’s bold and fateful decision to expose the true state of race relations 1960s Mississippi. This one is a bit intense. Educational and great perspective on Civil Rights in America. DOCUMENTARY
Rocky 1– Probably Sly’s best movie. It is actually a great story line and shot really well. Sylvester Stallone shot to fame as Rocky Balboa, an unknown fighter who’s given a shot at fighting world champ Apollo Creed as a publicity stunt. ACTION/ADVENTURE
Cool Runnings – When Derice Bannock’s chances of qualifying for Jamaica’s track team are dashed, he and his islander friends attempt to form a bobsled team. (It has John Candy in it. Instant Classic) COMEDY
While You Were Sleeping – Sandra Bullock plays a transit worker who rescues a handsome commuter, then pretends to be the comatose man’s fiancee while falling for his brother. ROMANTIC COMEDY
Amistad – Based on a True Story. Steven Spielberg directed this story about the 1839 revolt aboard Spanish slave ship La Amistad and the uprising’s tragic aftermath. ACTION/ADVENTURE
UPDATE: Oct 27th, 2014 – Kennady is going in on Thursday, Oct 30 for a third try on this surgery. The surgeon failed to complete the second try because Kennady’s back was too curved for the procedure. The third will involve more technology and tactics. Read details below on why this is happening.
We would love your prayers this week as Kennady is going in for a major surgery on Tuesday. She had this same surgery last year and it was unsuccessful. Actually, the surgery was very successful and the treatment was going quite well, but she developed staph infection in her spine and 6 weeks later the procedure had to be reversed.
For the last several years, Kennady’s muscles have gotten really tight. So much so, that they are contracting her arms and legs completely and creating scoliosis in her back (curvature of the spine). This causes a lot of pain and difficulty in bathing, getting her in and out of her chair, and basically all movemnent. We have given her medicine (baclofen) in hopes of reducing this tightness. It has worked some but it has a lot of negative side effects with little success.
After a lot of prayer and stored up energy, we are retrying a surgery that will insert a medicine pump in her abdomen, with a catheter into her spine, that will automatically put the medicine directly in contact with her nervous system and muscles. This will allow the medicine to skip the ‘blood brain barrier’ and not cause the side effects. It will also allow us to use lower doses with a greater reward.
It will take around 4-5 days for the complete recovery to happen and we can go home.
We appreciate any prayer you can lift up for us. If you want to visit, it would be best to visit after Wednesday. We will be at Dell Children’s Hospital in Austin, TX.
I (Robin) just committed to being the soccer coach for my son’s team. It’s going to be a lot of fun, but I’m going to spend a lot of time doing it.
Spending time. That term says a lot. Spending time like spending money costs us something. There is an investment of energy, focus, minutes. It means that something else won’t get done. Something else will have to wait. Is that worth it? What is more important? What should we do first?
A couple of weeks ago we were planning to go to a friend’s wedding in Waco, TX (a couple hours north of San Marcos). It was the last week of summer, so we decided to make a very-mini vacation out of it and have some fun along the way. We looked up a movie to see and potential museums in Waco (no, we didn’t look for the David Koresh museum).
Thursday, the day before we were to leave Erica said, “I think our minivan is having problems with over heating.” That’s never a good conversation. I woke up early on Friday and drove the van over to a local mechanic. He said, “You have a severe leak in this part of your van. We need to order the part and install it later today.” The only problem is that we were supposed to leave at 11am. What do we do?
We had 2 other vehicle options: my Ford F150 and my mom’s little Honda hatchback. Keep in mind, we have a daughter in a wheelchair (that weighs around 100lbs). There was no way that our van was going to be ready in time for us to leave. There was no way that the Honda would fit our family and the huge wheel chair. Our only option was to take Kennady out of her chair and put her in a special oversized car seat. Then, we would load the massive/awkward chair in the back of the truck. She is 12yrs old at this point and around 70lbs. She doesn’t bend real well because of her muscle stiffness. All that to say, it would cost us a lot of energy and time each stop we made.
What were we going to do?
Spend some quality time with our family!!
We went for it.
We loaded the truck and took off for Waco.
We found a movie showing for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
We got to the theater extra early and let the boys spend $4 in quarters on one really bad arcade game. That was a huge highlight for them. We are usually so tight with our money that this felt like a huge spending spree.
The kids LOVED the movie. Erica thought it was awful. I thought it was fun. It was a almost too violent for us, but was within reason for our family. We had looked it up on KidsInMind and felt good with the review.
After the movie, Avery gave us a presentation on his Heelys. These are the hottest thing for 6-10yr olds these days. Move over figure skaters!! Check out his skills.
Finally, we headed out to the wedding. We looked up the address on Google Maps. The address it showed on the map looked too far away from where we thought the wedding should take place, but we decided to trust it. Wrong idea.
It took us 45min out of the way and by the time we got back on course, WE MISSED THE WEDDING. However, we showed up right as the party was kicking off. It was so fun to hang out with these folks. They have unique wedding traditions. We enjoyed the conversations that followed and the delicious food we ate.
All in all, the investment of time and money was WORTH the quality family experience we had. We made memories in the midst of the sacrifice and sweat. Fun times!
Our boys are riding their bikes to school on Monday. They will walk into third and fifth grade. Kennady will be taking the bus to 7th grade (Simon Junior High). It is here already. We have so many questions as this day approaches.
Did we maximize the summer?
Did we do enough fun stuff?
Did we waste the time off?
I have an interesting idea: We should be more “summer-like” all year ’round.
You should really be more unproductive on a regular basis.
I feel confident in saying that to 99% of Americans. At least, you should try to be unproductive. I think sometimes we try so hard to be productive that we end up burning out and not being productive at all.
God was rolling along, creating things, saying they were good when, after 6 days, he stops and decides to do nothing productive. He rested. Then, when the law was being given to his people, he makes one of the big ten laws, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Exodus 20:8
It must be a pretty big deal if it made the top ten list.
I always thought that keeping the Sabbath meant that I was supposed to go to church every Sunday. It was like, “Remember to go to church every Sunday and don’t forget it! Make sure you go!” However, the Sabbath is more and better than simply going to church every weekend. It can and should include gathering with other believers to worship God, but it will include other ‘non’-activities.
Here is my take: “Remembering the Sabbath, to keep it holy” means: Don’t forget to keep one seventh of your life unproductive. One day a week, intentionally do nothing that is of productive value. By resting one day of the week, you are communicating to God that you do not believe you are the source of accomplishment in your life. You are worshipping God by saying, “I trust that you are in control of everything. I have worked hard this week and now can confidently rest because I believe/trust that you, Jesus, are in ultimate control. All the loose ends from my task list are not going to sink my job, me, or the world. I can be unproductive today because your word says,
“…there is a special rest still waiting for the people of God. For all who have entered into God’s rest have rested from their labors, just as God did after creating the world.” Hebrews 4
Last week, I went on a cruise with around 30 other folks from our church. The second day on the boat, we all gathered in a room for a group meeting. They weren’t sure what to expect. Was I going to preach, teach, have an altar call? (Maybe I should have after Karaoke the night before.) We all sat down and I led them in a short discussion about doing nothing on the boat all week. I told them that I didn’t want them to even think about anything productive. Don’t read a book unless it is for fun, don’t write notes for when you get back on land, don’t do work on the laptop, try your hardest to do…nothing. Nothing but have a good time. We were going to rest. We were going to remember a Sabbath to keep it holy.
I told them that when we left the boat we were going to be spiritually and emotionally higher than when we got on the boat. We were going to be more spiritually healthy. (Probably not physically healthy because we were going to eat around 10,000 calories a day). We were going to be stronger when we left. Not because we had an encounter or specific moment on the cruise, but because we were being obedient and faithful to God by….doing nothing productive. Resting. Trusting that God had everything under control back on land.
As Americans we aren’t conditioned to think this way. We are geared to produce at any expense. We are trying to eliminate all angles that slow us down or hinder growth. We are wired to never take a break. Elizabeth was on the boat with us. She was so relieved to hear the message that day. She told me, “I am always trying to find ways to be productive while I’m resting. I feel guilty simply doing nothing and feel like I am expected to always be productive.”
Two lumberjacks were in competition for several hours. They were trying to see who could chop the most wood. One relentlessly chopped without a break. The other took breaks every thirty minutes. The one who took breaks won. When asked how he won while taking breaks, he said, “Every time I took a break, I sharpened my axe.”
While we were on the boat, I challenged our people to think about sharpening their axe. Every time the temptation came to disobey God (and be productive) use that as an opportunity to say a short prayer. Those are testing moments. Do I trust God’s plan of rest? Do I trust his reward of obedience. Work hard for 6/7ths of your life and then rest hard for 1/7th of your life. Instead of being so balanced that you are always trying to work and always trying to rest, think of it being more of a pendulum. When it is time to work, give it all you got. Then, when it is time to rest, give it all you got.
Go sharpen your axe!
What has your rest been like lately?
Do you struggle to find rest?
What do you do to make sure you are following God’s plan for a regular Sabbath?
We got to the theater extra early and let the boys spend $4 in quarters on one really bad arcade game. That was a huge highlight for them. We are usually so tight with our money that this felt like a huge spending spree.
God was rolling along, creating things, saying they were good when, after 6 days, he stops and decides to do nothing productive. He rested. Then, when the law was being given to his people, he makes one of the big ten laws, “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.” Exodus 20:8
While we were on the boat, I challenged our people to think about sharpening their axe. Every time the temptation came to disobey God (and be productive) use that as an opportunity to say a short prayer. Those are testing moments. Do I trust God’s plan of rest? Do I trust his reward of obedience. Work hard for 6/7ths of your life and then rest hard for 1/7th of your life. Instead of being so balanced that you are always trying to work and always trying to rest, think of it being more of a pendulum. When it is time to work, give it all you got. Then, when it is time to rest, give it all you got.
What People are Saying