I (robin) am working on a non-fiction book proposal that will go along the same lines as our Made Meaningful ministry.  From time to time, I post thoughts that will most likely end up in the book.  Here are some thoughts on prayer.  These are raw and unedited.  I welcome your comments and/or questions to help me refine the writing.

My uncle Greg praying over me.

I have a huge family and one of the things they love to do is pray.  My dad’s mom is what we call a prayer warrior!  She whips her kids that don’t pray and they are grown men and women. When this woman opens her mouth angels and demons turn an ear.  While Erica was pregnant with Kennady, we called her and all my aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors and any one else that come over.  We gathered in my parents large living room and stated the entire scenario of our baby girl’s situation.  A few people quoted scripture and then we began to pray.  We prayed specifically for God to heal our baby’s brain, for a speedy delivery, health and prosperity.

After every prayer session, we would go back for a subsequent sonogram.  Each sonogram reported that the condition had gotten worse.  Our daughter’s head was swelling at a rapid pace and there was no sign of brain development.   These accounts brutally challenged our faith.  Until this point in my life, I had never experience such a brutal denial from God.  To passionately pray and feel like you made ‘headway’ with God and then go to the doctor and hear snickering from the devil as the sonographer bluntly states that fluid on the brain was increasing confused our faith.

Something was not adding up.  We were praying specific prayers but they were specifically not being answered.  We immediately started asking ourselves questions like: Were we too bad of sinners? Were we praying the right prayers?  Were we not praying enough?  Did we need to get more people to pray?  Answering these questions and thousands of others like it produce new levels of faith in our lives.  We can never get to these questions until we personally are thrust into the situation.  When there is a mountain of pain and silence from God, we either get closer to Him through revelation or our anger drives us farther away.   Even though we were not getting the results we looked for, we continued to pray through the diversity.

Questioning God honestly expresses your concern, frustration, and distress.  Jesus says that our Father knows what we need from Him before we even ask[1].  Therefore, it is ignorant to fake like we are doing perfectly well before God all the while we are broken inside.  While counseling with members of my church and meeting in small groups, I find that most people think they are being honest with God when in reality that is not the case.  In actuality, they are not even being honest with themselves, much less God.  Most of the time, God listens to prayers laced with hidden sin, no repentance, memorized clichés,  and self promoting requests.

First, in dishonest prayers, we are not open about our hidden sin.  We either do not see it, or we are trying to hide it and act like it does not matter.  We are afraid of facing life without the pleasure it provides.  We are addicted to the cheap reward of sin and can not see the benefits of purity much less the eternal consequence.  However, many of us love God and we find ways of hiding in our own Garden of Eden like Adam and Eve did after eating the fruit[2].  God is looking for our honesty just like He searched for Adam and Eve that day.  It is in our honest heart felt prayers toward God that true progress is made in our relationship with Him.  When we choose to reveal our sin to him, it gives Him open access to forgive us.  Without our permission, God’s hands are tied.  Psalms 8:6 says, “You (God) have given him (man) dominion over the works of your hands; You have put all things under his feet. (ESV)”  God creates the world in such a way that humans possess the authority to choose whom they will serve.  God does not barge into our spiritual or natural lives and dictate what the day’s schedule will be.  However, if we open up our schedule to Him, He is more than willing and able to work on our behalf.

Regardless of the good works we are achieving in life, if we continue a life of sin hidden from God, we are cheating God and life.  My definition of integrity is purity and dependability.  Many of our prayers lack integrity.  We pray about all the things we need and want, and think are required for ministry.  All the while we look over the anger we have for the friend on the praise team or the softball team.  We hide the lust we have been playing with at work, the lingering looks and the gentle suggestions.  We avoid talking to God about the business deal that needs a little cover up, the tax return that needs a little flubbing.  We think that God has not listened to every whisper or text message, every email or phone call.  God has listened, read, and watched every action big or small.  He knows every flagrant foul, white lie, brushing of bodies, and website logged onto.  Yet, when we talk to Him as Christians, we often avoid those references.

Our generation is losing our grasp on the reality of hell.  The preaching and teaching of our leadership, for the most part, has drifted from wages of sin and rewards of grace in eternity.  Most messages, sermons, and books are simply how to make it ‘today’.  Our thoughts and concerns of eternity seem to be placed on the back burner.    The Bible mentions there will be a generation that wants its ears scratched, meaning we don’t want honest, hard-hitting truth about the sin we are living in[3].  We want messages about how we can get out of the mess we are in.  In truth, both of these are intrinsically related.  The majority of the mess we are in is because of the sin we are in.  When we are repulsed and convicted of our sin, turn from our wicked ways, then we will hear from God, He will forgive us and our lives will begin a slow turning around.   The Old Testament establishes this concept and the New Testament  reaffirms it[4].

When we reach a breaking point in our life sin reveals itself.  If it is not revealed, you search your life like a starving mad man trying to find anything that could have caused such an awful turn of events.  Thank God for this.  In Jesus’ most famous sermon, he talks about the horrible side of sin and tells his followers to do everything possible to avoid sin.  He suggests we should even poke our eye out or cut off our arm if those cause us to sin[5].

Second, in dishonest prayers, we do not ask for what we truly need.  We ask for things we want.  In reality, our needs and wants are often different.  When we are honest in our prayers to God, we ask for things like purity not pleasure.  We ask for authenticity, integrity, and help with our temptations.  For example in our marriage, we should seek strength to be honest with our spouse instead of asking for a better marriage.  Because often when we pray for a ‘better marriage’ what we are really asking is for God to heal the marriage without us changing or being honest with our spouse.  Dishonest prayers are prayers for magic.  We want God to perform a supernatural act that will hide all of our inconsistencies.  Sure, God has that power, however, he desires our honest prayers that reveal to him acknowledgment of our sin and a desire for life change.  We want no pain, no discomfort, no brokenness, and inconsistency.  God does not want it as the end result, however, He allows portions of it

Honest prayers acknowledge the pain that we are going through and asks God for grace to see us through the breaking point.  Honest prayers speak positive words of faith.  We should not deny the pain or fake like it does not exist. We should address it. Face the brokenness head-on.  God knows about it, you know about it, and the devil knows about.  When we act like it does not exist, we are shortchanging the situation.  God’s power is not intimidated by the size and scope of your problem.  In fact, asking God for help in desperate situations actually honors God.  Your honest prayer in essence says, “God, I believe you are big enough to do anything I need, and you actually care enough to act on my behalf.”

At our point of brokenness with Kennady, our prayers began to change.  I remember waiting in the hospital and uttering small pulses of adoration to God.  I no longer wanted to wait until a scheduled session with a formal outline.  In the heat of the moment, prayer returns to its natural intent which is communicating.  Unfortunately, most of the time it takes brutal life experience for brutal honesty to show up in our prayers.  Both Erica and I began journaling our prayers also.  Each night before going to sleep, we would pull out our notebooks and pour out our hearts onto the paper.  We would passionately and rapidly express to God our deepest worship and concerns.  Looking back at some of the pages of prayers, it amazes me at the content of our worship.  Praising and worshipping God through our journal ushered us through a dark valley of life.  Our prayer times at the church and with family literally carried us over hurdles of surgery, ICU, learning how to administer medication and doctor visits.  Erica experienced the doctor visit from hell when a genetic doctor told her to expect Kennady to be abused sexually when she entered school.  After hearing something like that you either want to reach over and slap her around or just lay over and give up unless prayer is involved.  We continually tell God that we are unable to do this.  “We can not make it, Lord.”  God continues to tell us, “No, you can’t without me.  However, if you will stick with me, we can do this together.”

Prayer not only helped us deal with doctors, but also with the people around us.  When Kennedy was an infant, no one recognized her disability.  With the VP Shunt surgery, the swelling in her head greatly reduced and most people did not recognize her disability.  However, as she gets older, the secret is out.  Erica strolls through the grocery store pulling a cart with groceries and two blonde-headed monkeys jumping around and pushing Kennady in her wheel chair.  The looks never cease and we can’t figure out if they are staring at Kennady’s condition or wondering why we had so many kids after the fact.  Prayer has helped us laugh at situations like these.  God has given us the grace through prayer.

Fortunately for me, I cannot tell you what brokenness would be like without prayer.  From my childhood, I have been taught the power of intimate conversations with God.  I have walked through seasons of life where my conversations with God were very sparse and not very sincere.  However, brokenness has a way My prayers have taken multiple forms.  Different expressions, styles, lengths, volumes and contents of prayer each have their place as I wade through all of the challenges of life.  I know that even with prayer there are times that the brokenness seems to be extremely difficult.

Randy Phillips, who at the time was my boss, pastor, and friend, pulled me into his office a few weeks after the news and said, “What are you going to do about this report?”  I was shocked to hear such a statement.  What do you mean, “What am I going to do!” I thought.  There is not anything I can do at this point.  He handed me a book called, Intercessory Prayer, by Dutch Sheets and calmly stated, “Read this book.”  He went on to mention that it was time for me to establish prayer as the foundation for our actions.  That God was able to heal our daughter and that if it was going to happen that we had to pray for it to happen.  God does not just do things without our prayerful release.  If God choose not to heal, then He would give us the grace to deal with it.  I took the book home and read it in two days.  I devoured the concept of intercessory prayer like never before and we began to hold prayer meetings specifically for the healing of our baby.  It seemed we had all the elements of faith, hope, and love that were needed.  However, I prayed and God was turning his head in denial.  Later, I would learn that God turned his head to my request because a much better way lurked around the corner.

In the comment section, please share your story of prayer OR ask questions that this might have stirred up.